I Love my Mom, but I don’t want to be her

mom, love, self development, I love mom

Growing up I never saw my mom crying, she was always so strong, faithful to her family, she made sure she only speaks well of people infront of her kids, very considerate, when we fought she always talked us out of the fight and hugs it out, life was just so… respectfully prep

we grew up to be very respectful of people and eachother, if we fought, we don’t talk it out, we just move on loving each other, we grew up saying no if someone hands out chocolate, even if we are a twenty something woman who wants chocolate, we grew up thinking if I cry its a sign of weakness, if I say Im upset its a sign of weakness, if I hated someone its a sign of weakness, and if someone did something wrong to me or even hated me I probably did something to this person. We grew up pretending to be confidant and strong, and afraid that people will know that inside of us there is a woman who can run a tear, and is very doubtful of herself.

we grew up to turn the other cheek if someone did us wrong, or move on, never to confront.

we grew up to fake that everything is fine, and just draw the picture that we want people to see, we actually grew up thinking that it actually matter what the fuck people will say about us if we did something they did not like!!

but it just happened that I didn’t care about people, so I ended up doing the “wrong things” and I made them loud enough for people to see them, my family thought I was so rebel, so outta line, but I just knew that there is another life other than the fake one we are living in.

even when we had friends over, it had to be so very formal, mom would always stress out for some reason, being so up tight around people made people friendly with us but not friends! growing up realizing your extended family and whoever are just friendly with you but not really friends like they are with each other did confuse me.

so today, what I wish my young self knew is:

  1. You don’t need anyone’s acceptance, or validation. even though I never did anything for them to accept me, I wished they did back then, and today I wish I didn’t waste my emotions wishing they did.
  2. Our parents did the best they could in their eyes and we need to respect that, however this doesn’t mean we need to carry on with their ways.
  3. Arguing and disagreeing with someone can be actually fun and will improve your communication skills, It’s not fighting and it doesn’t have to be.
  4. If you sweep the problems under the rug, it will still be there, it will never go away until you talk it out.
  5. I’m normal!!

Things I do today;

  1. My house is always filled with friends and kids, at anytime and everyone loves it, everyone make themselves at home in my house, and that’s my rule number 1.
  2. I do what I see and feel is right even when I know people and family can be against it, or see it as wrong.
  3. I can easily put boundaries for toxic people or even family.
  4. when I have a problem with someone I love, I say what I think, and how I feel and we talk it out and get it out of our system, we find solutions.
  5. we hug and kiss in my house alooooooot
  6. Me and my husband don’t argue much around the kids, but if it happened that they heard an argument, we both make sure to explain (very briefly) why, and that sometimes people can have an argument and how we deal with it. this will eventually increase their communication skills.
  7. discussing and arguing different open subjects is actually FUN, will improve you in so many different aspects.

cause in the end these kids will grow up and they will need some guidance on how to argue instead of shutting the argument down.

I didn’t become this way so easily, it took me years of self development, but I am happy where I have reached, and I will continue to grow and develop for the sake of having a loving open home for my kids, my family and even for all our friends.

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