When You say No, don’t change your mind.
I be careful when to say no, before I answer any of Karim’s demands, I think about my “No” consequences. when he started growing and we go to malls, when he asks for a toy it’s either a no and I do not change my mind what so ever, or I buy him something within my budget, we would mostly go for books.
Agree before reaching your destination
Before even going out or in the car, we make a deal of what will be happening today. for example if we are going to the mall I mention and make sure he agreed that we will not be buying any toys today, Or we will only be buying 1 toy today, or 1 book, whatever I feel is the right thing on the day.
Today he asks to go to the toy shops all the time, and if I say “not now” he would get the message that we will not be buying toys so he say “we will not buy.. only LOOK at toys” without even me mentioning the no buying today. and he would go around the shop looking at toys and we leave with no tantrums.
Don’t Give up
Kids are very smart and the more you give up they will understand whats your weak point. I believe there is 2 reasons would make us give up, it’s either we want them to stop crying or stop their tantrums Or people are starring and we need to get out of there.
Remember the crying will finish eventually, specially if you hug them and tell them “I know how you feel”, “I know you want this toy, but we cannot buy it today”, My kid would say “But I don’t have this toy, I need this toy” my answer always “You don’t have to have all the toys you want” I hug him and wait for him to finish his crying.
It’s very important to stay calm with your child while he is crying and let him let his feelings out while you are hugging him, Just remember that people can stare, and no one knows your child better than you, and only you know whats best for your child.
Say Yes Sometimes
If you say No all the time, he would want to get his way sometimes. but if you say yes sometimes, he will be more understanding or patient when you say No.
I’m not sure how I feel about buying gifts for achievements, we don’t do it all the time, a lot of achievements are celebrated with cheering and expressing how proud we are, and some times we use the gifts to motivate only if we see it needed. it depends on the situation and what we think is best at the time.
When Karim was Potty training he would do great for few days and then make accidents again, so we motivated him by agreeing to buy him the Sea Patroller he wanted for so long (All Paw patrol mama’s knows whats up) but only if he complete 1 full week with no accidents, surprisingly it was easy for him to achieve so we went to the toys shop.
When we got there, he changed his mind and wanted a Jungle patroller instead, we explained that he only gets 1 toy, and that he is free to pick which one. he agreed, picked the Jungle one and we moved on.
few weeks later, Karim started demanding the sea Patroller, I say no and explain that we got the Jungle one instead, he starts crying saying he doesn’t like the Jungle one anymore and wants to exchange it, I calmly explain that we cannot exchange anymore and that he picked it himself, and thats it, we cannot do anything about it. he continued to cry for another 5 mins, here I assure him that I understand, and explained the situation again, I hug him and thats it.
Today he still asks for the sea Patroller, and today I only have to explain it once, and he moves on. Because he knows that crying will not get him what he wants.
It is the same when we go to parks, we agree before we go that we will go for 30 mins for example and when Mommy says we are leaving after 5 mins, we play the last game and leave, today I say what I have to say, he try to get his way, I don’t give up, we leave, with no tantrums, maybe not the happiest child at the moment, but no tantrums, then few seconds later he forgets about the park and wants something else.